The Life and Adventures of Randy Mesmer

ASHAMED.

Randy Mesmer got kicked out of the monastery for fellating a monk. The monk didn’t get kicked out, just Randy.

This was the trouble with virtue. It wasn’t enough to be good once. It wasn’t enough to be good for one day, or just until lunch.

To Randy, it seemed very unfair to demand that the monks never be fellated. There’s nothing like fellatio for improving morale. And it was Losar, Tibetan New Year, when the Dalai Lama says that even monks should kick up their heels a little.

The monks must not kick their heels up too high, however.

Who told the authorities? Were the walls thin or had the monk turned himself in?

Was it really so wrong?

Randy Mesmer was forever asking that question. When he got thrown out, he asked the manager of the monastery.

Was it really so wrong?

The manager, a pious American convert, looked at him with disgust. “You ought to be ashamed,” he said.

Which was, of course, the answer Randy Mesmer always got.